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Onion: Thousands of very frightened new rainforest species discovered

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MANAUS, BRAZIL—A team of scientists studying the Amazon Rainforest announced the remarkable discovery this week of thousands of previously undiscovered mammals, reptiles, birds and other species desperately cowering for dear life under rocks and assorted foliage.

According to biologists, the 16-month expedition in search of new indigenous lifeforms in the Amazon River basin was a remarkable success, uncovering over 2,300 varieties of heretofore unclassified lemurs, tarantulas, and porcupines as they convulsed in terror under flora and frantically scrambled up trees for safety.

According to biologists, several unfamiliar creatures, while appearing similar to counterparts from other parts of the world, possessed new and unique characteristics. For instance, within the amphibian class researchers observed a salamander that could secrete eight distinct fear-based fluids, a newt that regularly suffers from anxiety attacks, and a bullfrog that appeared to actually be praying.

Some hint darkly that they got the news about that new Amazon Basin Total Amusement attraction: “Las Vegas rivalled every single night!” 😉

The amazon is a relict of the original glorious post flood diversity on earth. Life quickly filling every niche possible and all from non evolution biological change. the amazon did not have the extinction that hit the rest of the earth. Indeed there could be all kinds of interesting critters there otherwise only known by the fossil record. No dinos but other creatures might still be around in hidden places. Robert Byers
Very cool. Jerad

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