After much thought and consideration, I have decided to announce at UD that I believe in evolution.
Living things are not now as they once were, so they must have evolved.
There you have it: I believe in evolution. In fact, I assert that evolution is a fact based on the evidence, and not a hypothesis or “theory.”
I have major proof that evolution is true: I was once a little baby, and now I’m a great big baby! What further proof could be required to support the fact that evolution is true? And my evolution didn’t take even one generation; it took a zero generation. (I tried “zero generations” but that didn’t quite seem to work logically, since zero is obviously not multiple. I need to work out the tricky math here. I’m currently investigating multiverse theory in an attempt to resolve this mathematical conundrum.)
Now that I have come to my senses and accepted evolution as not only being true, but established fact based on evidence, how can I resolve my few remaining doubts? (I’m sure that these doubts are based upon my complete ignorance of the empirically verified research of Darwinian scientists, who have worked out all the details. I’ve searched for such research high and low, and always seem to come up empty-handed. Obviously, I must be searching in the wrong place.)
Here is one of my few remaining doubts about the fact of evolution: After writing this post I’m going to sit down at my Baldwin grand piano and practice Rachmaninoff’s Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini.
If I understand evolutionary theory appropriately, this means that I, Rachmaninoff, his music, my piano, the people who designed and built my piano, and every aspect of every living thing was the product of the Darwinian mechanisms of random changes filtered by natural selection, which turned a bacterium into Rachmaninoff in about 10^17 seconds. I’ve done the math, and this seems highly unlikely. Obviously I’m missing something here (silly me!).
Once again, I want to emphasize that I have now converted to the obvious, factual, irrefutable, scientific truth of evolution.
I just have a few remaining doubts about the creative powers of the Darwinian mechanism. I’m sure that this deplorable lack of scientific understanding on my part will be cleared up promptly by qualified Darwinian scientists.
I’m astute, well educated, and experienced in a number of computational, scientific, mathematical, and engineering disciplines. I’m thoroughly open to any logically persuasive argumentation concerning my very few and obviously inconsequential doubts concerning my thorough and irrevocable belief in evolution.