Extraterrestrial life Uncommon Descent Contest

Impress your friends with a piece of Mars – contest judged

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Sorry for judging delay. The contest, you’ll recall, riffed off New Scientist’s offer of a Mars rock: Tell New Scientist what the first person to set foot on Mars should say. The winner gets a copy of The Nature of Nature , where Guillermo Gonzalez discusses the constraints of the galactic habitable zone.

(Note: That New Scientist contest is still open until June 15. )

There were lots of good, fun entries. The winner is:

14 MedsRex
“hold on, i’ll start collecting bacterium samples in a bit…let my update my, facebook status first!”

It captures the self-referentiality of the Facebook world. Some people may think they didn’t even really go to Mars if they didn’t crow about it on Facebook.

MedsRex needs to be in touch with me at denyseoleary@gmail.com, to make arrangements for shipping.

I put all the interesting entries in order, for your convenience, so you can borrow a one-liner, as needed.

1 RkBall
“That’s one small step for man, hey, what’s that I’m stepping in?!”

2 Mung
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

3 Mung
Since we probably won’t get there until after the Russians:
Ah, now, I understand why they call if the red planet.

4 ellazimm
I’m having trouble MARShalling a reply. I have a feeling anything I come up with will be worlds apart from what’s considered down to earth. It should be easy, it’s not rocket science after all.

5 SCheesman
The original was supposed to be

That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind”

and (according to NASA) the “a” was lost in transmission because it was too short a sound for the voice-activated mike to pick up and transmit.

May I propose the following for the Mars landing:

“That’s one giant trip for a man, one tiny step for mankind”

6 Mung
Marvin? Is that you?

7 Mung
Finally! A homeland for the Jews.

8 Chris Doyle
“The next step for a man from a privileged planet.”

9 Mung
They lost my luggage again!?
How long till the next flight get’s here?

10 Upright BiPed
Take us to your symbols.

11 CannuckianYankee
“Little green men! Little green men! Aaaaaahhhhhhhrrrrgggg!!!”….beep, beep….hiss… (end transmission)

12 bornagain77
“Kinda bleak, but hey it is still better than earth after that May 21, 2011 Apocalypse incident!!

13 MedsRex
“man, I could really use a whopper…i’m gonna gps the nearest BK…what?! No service! Dang iPhones!”

14 MedsRex
“hold on, i’ll start collecting bacterium samples in a bit…let my update my, facebook status first!” [winner. – d.]

16 Mung
So where’s the best place to look for Mars upials?

17 Mung
O M G! I just misread the title of the OP. I thought it said “Impress your friends with a piece of ars.

I am SO embarrassed. Needless to say, they were not impressed.

[Mung, it was done recently by an American politician, and no, they weren’t impressed. – d.]

18 CannuckianYankee
“I hear they’re talking about the end of the world down there. Good thing I’m here.”

19 Mung
“And they thought man-caused global warming was a problem on Earth!”

20 MedsRex
“Elvis?! Is that you!?”

21 MedsRex
“this is NOT how it looked in the brochure!”

22 Mung
“I’d like to thank Charles Darwin, who made this all possible.”

[But some people would take you seriously … d.]

23 Mung
“Well, here I am on Mars, and still no sight of God.”

24 Mung
“How the heck did these theologians get here before us?”

26 AussieID
“Love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and mars …” Roy Orbison, Nazareth, et al.
Wrong concept, but a great song!

27 MedsRex
“great…now what?”

28 CannuckianYankee
“How the heck did these theologians get here before us?”

29 Meleagar
“That’s one small step in a long sequence of convenient chance events, and one giant leap for non-teleological, haphazardly bumping organic molecules.”

30 Mung
ok everyone. helmets off. Let’s put this “habitable zone” myth to rest once and for all.

32 MedsRex
“stupid mapquest…this does NOT look like the farm with the world’s largest eggplant!”

35 ellazimm
“I thought the Sat Nav was on the blink.”

40 Barb
By the grace of H’ronmeer, we have landed. /DC comics nerd

41 AussieID
To pay for a human Mars expedition, I think there is going to have to be some commercial input … and special acknowledgement too.

As the Astronaut steps from the Mars Lander, she would say to camera 1 (with her Virginia Slims cigarette unlit in its holder), “You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby. I’m going to give you All the News That’s Fit to Print.”

To Camera 2: “Why is it me here and not you? ‘Maybe She’s Born With It. Maybe It’s…” some might say, or maybe because I’m good at ‘Connecting People’ . Well, ‘Between Love And Madness Lies Obsession’ …”

“Well,” – To Camera 3- “I ‘Just Do It’, because ‘It Gives You Wings’.’ Oh What A Feeling!’”

Back to Camera 1 – “’When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best’ that ‘Keeps Going And Going And Going’, I will ask you ‘What’s The Worst That Can Happen?’ Here are ‘The Solutions For A Small Planet’.”

Camera 2: “I will ‘Look For The Golden Arches’ because ‘It’s The Real Thing’.”

Camera 3. ‘Now … There Is Only One Mars.”

Step

42 RkBall
“So… men really are from Mars! – who knew?!”

43 Mung
“So… men really are from Mars! – who knew?!”

(Presumably said to the lucky returnee. – d.)

6 Replies to “Impress your friends with a piece of Mars – contest judged

  1. 1
    MedsRex says:

    I’m super happy to have won! Thank you UD. I can’t wait to tell everyone on FACEBOOK!

  2. 2
    Mung says:

    Grats Meds!

  3. 3
    MedsRex says:

    Mung,
    Thank you kind sir. You had some zingers, as always! 😉

  4. 4
    Mung says:

    Obviously some of them went right above the judges head(s)!

    LOL!

    But that doesn’t matter. I already have a copy of the book and am truly happy that someone else won.

    Caution, bring a dolly when you go to pick up your prize. It weighs a ton!

  5. 5
    MedsRex says:

    Mung,
    What are your thoughts on the book?

    I feel sorry for the mail man!

  6. 6
    Mung says:

    I like it. You won’t regret having won it. But it will take a while to get through it, lol.

    I’m not sure that trying to read it cover to cover will work. Maybe set a goal to read one chapter a week.

    At that rate, with only 41 chapters, you can read it in a year, hahahaha!

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