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Kevin Padian is Archie Bunker!

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In the most commented entry in this blog’s history (go here), I referred to Kevin Padian as “the Archie Bunker Professor of Paleobiology at Cal Berkeley.” On further reflection, it seems that standard evolutionary reasoning allows us to say that Kevin Padian actually is Archie Bunker:

Padian evolving into Bunker

One of the beauties of evolutionary theory is that it eliminates essentialism from the biological world. There’s nothing that makes humans human and fundamentally distinguishes them from their putative apelike ancestors. Darwin himself made this point in THE DESCENT OF MAN: “The difference in mind between man and the higher animals, great as it is, certainly is one of degree and not of kind. We have seen that the senses and intuitions, the various emotions and faculties, such as love, memory, attention, curiosity, imitation, reason, etc., of which man boasts, may be found in an incipient, or even sometimes in a well-developed condition, in the lower animals.”

Were Lennon and McCartney, besides thinking of LSD and Transcendental Meditation, also thinking of evolution when they wrote the following lyrics:

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I’m crying.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
MAN, you been a naughty boy, and let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g’joob

Mister City P’liceman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky, see how they run.
I’m crying. I’m cry————ing,
I’m crying. I’m cry————ing.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your Knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g’joob

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don’t come, you get a tan
From standing in the English rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g’joob goo goo g’joob

Expert texpert choking smokers,
Don’t you think the joker laughs at you?
(ho ho ho, he, he he, ha, ha, ha)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snide.
I’m crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g’joob, goo goo goo g’joob,
goo goo g’joob, g’goo goo g’joob g’goo
(rhythmical speaking along with juba’s).
Juba juba juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba juba. Juba juba…..
(speaking)

–Repeat (eventually juba’s will stop) and fade until end.–
during the fade out background vocals:
[Simultaneously:] ‘Everybody smokes pot’ and ‘Oompa,
oompa, stick it up your joompa’ [jumper]

5 Replies to “Kevin Padian is Archie Bunker!

  1. 1
    tribune7 says:

    I still say he looks like Horseshack.

  2. 2
    jstanley01 says:

    Firesign Theater – “The Wall Of Science”
    I Think We’re All Bozos On This Bus (1971)

    Mystical Male Voice: [rumbling sounds] Before the beginning, there was this turtle. And the turtle was alone. And he looked around. And he saw his neighbor, which was his mother, and he lay down on top of his neighbor, [coyote howl] and behold, she bore him in tears, an oak tree, which grew all day, and then fell over, [coyote howl] like a bridge. And low, under the bridge there came a catfish, and he was very big, [coyote howls] and he was walking, [more howls] and he was the biggest he had seen. [starts fading] And so, with the firey balls of this fish, one of which is the sun, and the other, they called the moon… [sounds end]

    Calm Male Narator: Yes, some uncomplicated peoples still believe this myth. But here in the technical vastness of The Future, we can guess that surely, the past was very different. [begins fading] We can surmise, for instance, that these two great balls… [sounds end]

    Echoey Male Voice: We know for certain, for instance, that for some reason, for some time in the beginning, there were hot lumps. Cold and lonely, they whirled noiselessly through the black holes of space [reverb effect here]. These insignificant lumps came together to form the first union, our sun, the heating system. And about this glowing gas bag, rotated the earth, a catseye among aggies, [reverb begins to really build] blinking in astonishment across the face… of time. [reverb overwhelmes everything, sounds disappear]

    First Male Lecturer: [lecture room noises, voice quiet in the room] Well, we were covered with a molten scum of rocks, bobbing on the surface like rats. Later, when there was less heat, these giant rock groups settled down among the land masses. During this extinct time, our Earth was like a steamroom, and no one, not even man, could get in. [coughs start in audience] However, the oceans and the sewers were simmering with a rich protein stew, and the mountains moved in to surround and protect them. They didn’t know then that living as we know it was already taken over. Thank you. [a round of applause, constant coughs begin]

    Second Male Lecturer: [brief rustling of paper] Animals without… backbones… hid from each other, or fell down. Clamosaurs and oysterettes appeared as appetizers. Then came the sponges, which sucked up about 10%… of all life. [more rustling] [clears throat] Hundreds of years later, in the Late Devouring Period, fish became obnoxious. [clears throat] Trailerbikes, chiggerbites, and miskweetoes collided aimlessly in the dense gas. Finally [bit more rustling], tiny, edible plants sprang up in rows, giving birth to generations of insecticides and other small, dying creatures. Thank you. [applause, new rumbling sound sets in]

    Male Voice With Throaty Reverb: [some African flutes and drums play] Millions of months passed, and, 28 days later, the moon appeared. This small change was reflected best, perhaps, in the sand dollar, which shrank to almost nothing at the bottom of the pool, where even dumb amphibeans, like catfish, laid their eggs in the boiling waters, only to be gobbled up every three minutes by the giant sea orphans and jungle bunnies, which scared everybody. [music begins to build] And so, IN FEAR AND HOT WATER, [music approaches a climax] MAN IS BORN!!!

  3. 3
    bornagain77 says:

    Dr. Dembski,
    I don’t know if the Beatles were strict evolutionists or not. Just take a look at this lyrics from “revolution”

    You say you want a revolution
    Well, you know
    We all want to change the world
    You tell me that it’s evolution
    Well, you know
    We all want to change the world
    But when you talk about destruction
    Don’t you know that you can count me out
    Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right
    all right, all right.

    But then again if we play this song backwards maybe we can find a hidden message about evolution.

  4. 4
    Grayman says:

    Dr. Dembski, please forgive the off-topic post. The evolutionaryinformatics.org link you gave earlier this month is not working. Can you shed any light on what has happened or on how we can learn more about the Evolutionary Informatics Lab at Baylor?

  5. 5
    Rick Gerhardt says:

    Bill:

    Thank you soooo much for putting this song in my mind, where it stayed most of the day.

    If, in fact, the Fab 4 had evolution in mind when they wrote this song, I submit that it was as a sort of test case. That is, this particular string of words inhabits a gray area halfway between “definitely lyrics created by an artistic intelligence” and “probably produced by chimps banging on keyboards.”

    What do you think?

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