Human evolution

Coffee!! Wake up to the smell of deep fried onions …

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This from the Onion to start your day:

Anthropologists Trace Human Origins Back To One Large Goat
‘Wait, That Can’t Be Right,’ Scientists Say
FEBRUARY 17, 2011 | ISSUE 47•07

As their colleagues huddled together and whispered behind them, researchers from Australia and Japan explained how one 6-foot-tall goat with a hominid skeletal structure spawned numerous goat-human hybrids over a period of 1.8 million years. In a series of PowerPoint slides, they then showed that our ancestors used their prehensile upper lips to perform basic agricultural tasks and stomped out crude pottery with their cloven feet, theories that team members stopped reading aloud to the assembled audience almost immediately after reaching the words “cloven feet.”

“Okay, so I’m reading this now, and it says, ‘After trotting out of Africa nearly 2 million years ago, our earliest ancestors used their strong hooves and hindquarters to climb up steep mountain slopes in search of delicious moss,'” said British anthropologist Oliver Cranmore, reading from the report and shaking his head. “The thing is, I think I actually wrote that part. And I remember feeling very confident and excited about it at the time. This is weird.”

Wait a few months, and you’ll be reading something like this in New Scientist. Oh wait, maybe weeks.

3 Replies to “Coffee!! Wake up to the smell of deep fried onions …

  1. 1
    Barb says:

    “Obviously, with hindsight, yes, it’s somewhat odd that our theory presupposes complex hunter-gatherer societies composed of large, 250-pound bipedal goat-men. But a lot of thought went into this, I swear.”

    The final sentence in the above paragraph should be placed into every single peer-reviewed article announcing the discovery of the newest missing link.

  2. 2
    O'Leary says:

    Barb, you need to tune in, turn on, and drop out. The guy told you above:

    “But a lot of pot went into this, I swear.”

    And how could that go wrong? Or right? Or anywhere?

    (Hey, guys, it’s Saturday night, okay? We’re allowed a two-minute bait.)

  3. 3
    kairosfocus says:

    Goat-men, a la Pan et al? A bit early for April 1st, isn’t this?

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