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As the Babylon Bee still awaits rescue from Twitter jail…


The Dumpster Fire Is Saved: 9 Positive Changes Coming To Twitter: Including “9) Anyone who doesn’t like the changes will be offered the chance to leave and start their own social network: Conservatives are currently practicing their “smug” faces in the mirror for when they get a chance to say this.”

Revealed: What Your Morning Beverage Says About Your Politics

Twitter Workers Worried Elon Musk Will Turn Their Free Speech Platform Into Platform That Allows Free Speech “Others are concerned that Musk’s influence may cause the social network to allow unfettered social networking, and millions of people to use the platform to platform themselves even though they are yucky and have weird opinions that shouldn’t be platformed.”

Wife Turned To Pillar Of Salt After Looking Back While Fleeing Disneyland “”She didn’t even make it out of the park,” said distraught 37-year-old father Tim Lott. “She took one last look at the castle and—” He broke down, unable to further explain to authorities what had happened to his wife.”

Not To Be Outdone, Bill Gates Buys 9.2% Of MySpace “Gates confirmed he will be making some much-needed changes to the site—adding helpful information on the latest vaccines and boosters, a “Clippy” virtual assistant, and handy information on the benefits of subdermal microchip technology.”

Sad: Florida Students Ranked Last In The Nation In Subject Of ‘Teacher’s Sex Life “”This is all thanks to DeSantis’s bigoted ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill,” said local kindergarten teacher Jimbo Pandy (he/him) to reporters. “I am no longer allowed to describe my sexual encounters from last weekend to my 5-year-old students, which has greatly crippled their sexual exploration. I thought this was America! What happened to freedom of speech?””

Costco Now Offering Convenient Payment Plans On Ground Beef “At publishing time, Costco announced you can now pay off the rest of your grocery bill by signing up for a reverse mortgage with them today.”

You may also wish to read: Will Elon Musk get the Babylon Bee out of Twitter Jail? The most significant thing to see about all this is that the Bee is doing what late night comics used to do but now dare not. Someone needs to fix that.

"Tea - You are loyal to King George III and should be thrown into the harbor" Updated: Unsweet Tea - Nerd/Geek/Dweeb/Square Sweet Tea - "Frankly, (preferred pronoun), (preferred pronoun) whatevvs. Andrew asauber

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